Written by: Kim, a foster carer with Affinity Fostering.
“Shall we Foster now?” I said to my husband Lee one night.
The question came as I was reading an article in our local newspaper about a young person who was fostered.
Working full-time as a travel agent was enjoyable, but life was beginning to feel a bit robotic, like there wasn’t quite enough of a challenge in my life. We have considered fostering in the past, but felt we should wait for our boys to be independent. Well now they are, so it felt like the right time to ask the question!
The idea of becoming a Foster Carer is pretty daunting, but we’re desperately short of Foster Carers all across the UK.
So here are some of my top tips for anyone considering this life-changing move:
1) Get the whole family involved:
We shared our fostering aspirations with all of our family. It was important to make sure we had their support during the good and the tough times that come with fostering! They all gave us a big thumbs up, so it was all systems go!
2) Choose the right agency:
We contacted several agencies, and had visits from them all and discussed the level of support, training and fees they offered. They asked us about our working commitments, childcare experiences and our motivation to foster.
It was the friendly but professional approach of Jo that won us over to Affinity Fostering, and we had made our choice. We felt relaxed and she answered our pre-prepared questions really honestly. It was evident her and her agency were passionate about the welfare of fostered children and young people.
3) Be prepared for the rigorous assessment!
The assessment wasn't anywhere near as bad as some of the stories we had heard, but there is quite a bit of paperwork to complete. We answered the questions honestly and were given lots of information. It was very much around ‘are we right for fostering and is fostering right for us?’
4) Be prepared for an emotional ride:
Four months later, after a thorough assessment and training, we became approved Foster Carers. Our first placement, Sean (11-years-old) arrived soon afterwards and to be honest, we soon thought: “have we done the right thing?” It was very different having a child live in our home, who wasn't part of the family and who had no emotional ‘bank’ or commitment to us.
He came with many problems and I admit it was nerve-racking, but our thinking was that he wasn't a bad kid; he’d just had a bad start in life. He had very different life experiences, coming from a family where domestic violence was prevalent. The training on something called the ‘skills to foster course’ really helped us understand the gaps in Sean’s life.
We had to be patient and take our time, to help him have a more positive view of things, especially women. I had to become the ‘captain’ of the ship and Lee the first officer. This meant Sean had to come to me for any decision making. He began to learn that women are equals and capable of anything. Gradually we saw Sean blossom. Don't get me wrong, we had many ups and downs and phone calls from his school complaining about his behaviour were frequent! We advocated for Sean, and became pushy parents and advocated for him. We helped him to understand what was acceptable in the school environment and helped his teachers to better understand what triggered him to behave badly.
5) Celebrate the moments (however small!) when you realise you have really made a difference:
Five years later, on the day his GCSE results arrived, Sean asked me to go with him (a compliment in itself!). The Head of Year was there giving out the envelopes with the results in. As he gave Sean his results, he patted me on the back and said: “you have earned these results, as without you, Sean would never have got his GCSEs.” This meant so much to me. This is the role I saw for myself with Sean: enabling someone to reach their full potential, and be able to go out into the world with achievements that can never be taken away from them.
So, should you foster?
If someone asks us this question, we would always say find a good agency and talk it through. For us though, fostering has, without a doubt, been the best thing we have ever done. Whenever my husband and I are asked this question though, we always look at each other and say: “One hundred zillion percent. Go for it!”
Check out our complete fostering guides:
Let us know the best time for us to call you and we'll schedule an appointment.
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